Honestly, I tried to write a blog post about electoral reform. I did.

I read loads of blog posts, I listened to arguments, I gave a whole lot more thought to the subject than it arguably deserves. I started some drafts and cast them aside. Had I been writing on paper, my waste paper basket would have been over-flowing, much like Shakespeare’s in the scene at the beginning of Shakespeare in Love1.

The problem is, the subject is so skull-numbingly, brain-crushingly boring that it’s tough to come up with words that make it interesting.

So, I’ll just try and wrap up what I want to say in three paragraphs, and we’ll all get on and do something better with our lives. Also, if this kind of thing bores you to tears, you can skip to the end where I’ve put a lovely YouTube video for your viewing pleasure.

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I think all this talk of proportional representation is a red herring. Somewhere, this wonderful logical leap has been taken, from the existence of a correlation between safe seats and expenses fraud to assertions that it is absolutely imperative that we reform our electoral system. Frankly, that’s rubbish. For two reasons I can think of straight off, and many others that I reserve the right to think of at a later date. Firstly, it isn’t the system which gives MPs safe seats, it’s the voters. If all the people in a constituency want to vote for Tories, Tories in that constituency will have safe seats – whatever the voting system. What’s more, it isn’t safe seats which turn MPs into frauds and cheats, it’s the lack of integrity. There are MPs who can cope with the responsibility of being in a safe seat without spending taxpayers money on cleaning their moat. Electoral reform will do absolutely nothing to solve the problem of corrupt politicians (just as it has done nothing to rid other countries of corruption).

What’s actually happening here is that some people who have always wanted electoral reform, especially the Lib Dems, are disingenuously using a politically expedient moment to push an unrelated agenda into the limelight, and in doing so they are letting the frauds off the hook. MPs who’ve been caught with their hands in the till tried to blame their lack of decency on the Fees Office, but that wouldn’t wash. Now they’re being allowed to say that it wasn’t them, it was the First Past The Post system what done it2.

There’s a simple way to keep our elected representatives on the straight and narrow path, and that’s to watch them like hawks. Thanks to the marvel of the internet, we now can. When all MPs expenses receipts are published online, they won’t be able to get away with making fraudulent claims. Changing the electoral system won’t make a blind bit of difference to the honesty of the people we elect. Openness and transparency will.

Hang on, I’m sure I remember reading something about that recently…

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Anyway, that’s quite enough of that. Instead:

Honourable Mentions For The Awesome People Who I Actually Agree With About This

Tom Harris. And, if you will, Tom Harris. What’s more, Tom Harris. Good on you, Tom, It’s appreciated.

Charlotte Gore, who I find myself (annoyingly) agreeing with yet again, despite her assurances that she’s ‘Not a Tory’. Yeah, right.

Boris Johnson, of course. Nuff said. Somebody buy that man a pint.

The Daily Mash. Oh God yes, the Daily Mash.

Feel free to add your name to that list in the comments, if you either couldn’t care less about electoral reform, or think it’s a bloody stupid idea which has little or no bearing on the expenses issue.

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Lastly, because I think the blogosphere needs it, here’s the last time such shady logic was used to justify radical action:

  1. Except, obviously, I’m far more handsome than that Joseph Fiennes fella [↩]
  2. And what in God’s name is wrong with First Past The Post anyway? You get the most votes, you win. Simple as. Who wants their second choice candidate writing the law? Second Place is still a fucking loser. Deal with it. [↩]