City Council ‘too stupid’ to keep city

Nottingham City Council are today taking their fight to the European Court of Human Rights after the City of Nottingham was removed from the care of the Council and placed up for adoption.

The Council, who for legal reasons can only be identified as ‘those disgraceful bastards’, have been told by the courts and the people of Nottingham that the city will just have to look after its own damn potholes for the foreseeable future, and the councillors will be disallowed visiting rights.

Under the new rules, Nottingham Councillors will only be allowed to visit some parts of the city, such as the train station, Victoria bus station, or the city jail. It’s understood that they are only permitted to visit the stations if they are intending to leave the city; the jail if they intend to stay.

The proceedings are going ahead despite the council’s claims to be making Nottingham ‘a city we’re all proud of [sic]’. The court decided that any council which believed it was right to remove a child from her Mother on the grounds of ‘lack of intelligence’ clearly could not be trusted to continue pretending to run a city.

One Nottingham resident, who wished to remain anonymous, said ‘I’m not sure what the Council are thinking – everybody knows that their Mama was so stupid she got run over by a parked car’.

Some councillors, however, were adamant that the court ruling was ‘unfair’, pointing out that many other city councils in the region made stupid decisions on a regular basis. In a rare moment of clarity, one council member suggested that we might as well be abolishing all local councils.

Nottingham Mother Rachel, 24, said ‘my Mother always said to me that stupid is as stupid does’. If the Council are allowed to retain the city, many live in hope that this phrase will become their new motto.

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UPDATE: I’ve written a rather more serious take on this issue now. Do read if you’re interested.