Sharpe's Opinion
Friday, 3rd Jul, 2009
Teach Your Kids to Argue Properly
Instead of relying on a ‘parent knows best’ attitude towards kid-wrangling, Jay Heinrichs taught his children the principles of rhetoric, and how to argue properly. He found it removed a lot of the tension around the house.
George, who took longer than Dorothy did to talk, was at first a devotee of what rhetoricians call argument by the stick. After every fight I’d ask him, ‘Did you get the other kid to agree with you?’ For years he considered that a thoroughly stupid question, and maybe it was. But eventually this question made sense to him: In the world of rhetoric, argument by the stick is no argument. It never persuades, it only inspires revenge. To disagree reasonably, a child must learn the three basic tools of argument. I got them straight from Aristotle, hence the Greek labels: logos, ethos, and pathos. […] Forcing my kids to be logical forced them to connect what they wanted with the reasons they gave.
I suppose I love this idea so much because it relies on the simple principle that if you treat your kids as rational, capable human beings, that’s how they act.
Comments
Yeah, we used to do that too!
I also try and make a point of never telling Kayleigh to do something ‘because I said so’. It’s lazy and it teaches her all the wrong things. I ought to have a reason to ask her to do something, and she ought to have the right to ask me to explain myself when I try and lay the law down on her.
I think that’s kind of the same thing this guy’s saying.
“…it relies on the simple principle that if you treat your kids as rational, capable human beings, that’s how they act.”
They sure aren’t going to learn that at school these days…
I remember overhearing on a school trip a teacher aggressively say to a bright little girl, who had asked a valid question in response to being given an instruction “Because I am the Grown Up and you are the Child.” Initially I was impressed as I would never have spoken to my children like that. Then I realised it conveyed so many wrong messages and this was from a teacher.
Children copy so I have taught by example. Now my kids are older, light-hearted banter enters our discussions and I do not have to be so patient. I cunningly question their views so I am not accused of giving unsolicited advice. I am never rude or petty and I do negotiate so if they can justify something properly, their argument or ‘need’ will succeed.
I am not sure the reverse is always true though, as they have learnt to put forward reasonable excuses. They do know the boundaries but sadly they learnt that there are at least two sides to every argument and the existence of the Rule of Law from a very young age. I’d blame their mother. 
No! Won’t! [stamps feet] [frowns] [folds arms]
Take care, though. Master Patently is now adept at arguing every tiny point to the death, never conceding any ground even when we have proven beyond doubt that White is quite definitely not black. It becomes very tempting to just shout “YES WE ARE GOING TO SCHOOL JUST GET IN THE CAR”.
No idea where he inherited that from. None whatsoever.
We used to have proper well presented red-blooded arguments around the family dinner table. The adversarial nature made damned sure we were not let off the hook for coming out with weak arguments. My parents certainly created an environment where we had to think for ourselves and on our feet.
Blue Eyes
July 3, 2009 at 3:34 pm